Zoe Gilbert
How To Make A New Friend In 30 Steps (2013)
- Find the sternum. Slit to just above the balls.
- Loosen skin from innards until you have a mousey ‘O’ around your two first fingers.
- Try not to split the gut; trailing intestine is a nuisance.
- Ignore the bloom of blood across the muzzle. We will wash our mice.
- Pull down his trousers, reveal his knees.
- Now break the hips. A fingernail will do it.
- Shoulders likewise. If you lose a paw at this point, reserve to one side. I have a collection.
- Leave hands and feet inside out.
- Push pelt from lower back until you see silver, the start of the tail. Slice through.
- When you begin to peel the head, look for sinews. These are ear canals. Nick with the knife.
- Try to keep the eyelids on or your mouse will have an unnerving stare. Dig scalpel into socket, loosen the eyeballs.
- One crunch neatly through the skull, it’s a satisfying sound, and you have your mouse skin.
- Next: salon treatment. Cold water, fairy liquid, wash your mouse inside and out.
- Pin skin to board and blow-dry. After that don’t let him get too damp. Wet skin tears so easily.
- You now have a fluffy mouse-skin rug. So cute. Check for eyeballs and actual balls, and cut away, or they’ll go off. Also with tweezers pull out the tongue.
- Dip fleshy bits – heads and tails – in borax.
- Paint preservative inside the skin. Set mousey aside.
- For stuffing, recall the shape of your mouse’s innards, if you were able to keep them whole. Replicate with cotton wool and string. This is the hardest part.
- Avoid making a mouse shaped like a tampon; give him a belly. The wire will be his backbone.
- Another wire for each limb. Insert towards the paw until the fingers spread – that’s the tendons.
- Push the wire tip through the palm. This requires some force. If you lose a leg, again, just set aside. Look how many I’ve got already.
- Leave a decent length protruding for balance while he sets. Tie the other ends to his stuffing with string.
- No seamstress skills are needed when you sew him up; stitches can be pulled out later. Add more padding, give him haunches, muscle.
- Head shape is improved by stuffing through the mouth. If fiddly, go in through the eye instead.
- Tuck in beads for eyeballs.
- Lost limbs can now be reattached with superglue. Put a stitch through any holes that show.
- You’ve twenty-four hours, now, until he hardens, so set him in a stance you like and wait.
- The tail will take more like a week. Pin it in a curl, perhaps, around his feet.
- How to care for your mouse? Keep out of direct sunlight. Clean bloody bits with water, never soap. It rots the skin.
- Stitch on any clothing. A little hat is super-cute. Voila!